Seeking to understand

When was the last time you were in a conversation planning your reply versus fully listening? Instead of seeking to understand the judgment comes creeping in and your defense radar goes up. Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us. When we are faced with a situation that challenges our current reality, we are so prone to falling into these patterns especially in times of high stress. And let’s be honest, stress seems to be all over.  When we are faced with these situations, we seek what is comfortable for us and aligned with our previous experiences. These days, I find myself needing extra time to absorb, respond, and to understand where others are coming from and then I can come from a place of love with patience. Trust me, that hasn’t always been the case- but I am a work in progress.

Travel has become a way for me to push me out of my comfort zone, away from what “I know” , especially my humanitarian excursions. It was early on in my trips to Ghana when I had a profound experience that has stayed in my heart. Typically, I traveled with 500 pounds of school supplies and donations. Many of you donated in my early days and this particular time I was going to a village in Senchi Ferry, Ghana to work with a primary school. I was really excited to share everything with the children and began to hand them out. There was such high energy and joy in the room – it was infectious. Crayons were one of the items we gave the children and seeing them go wild to color made my heart warm. I quickly noticed that they were breaking the crayons in half.  All the joy went out the window, how could they just do that and destroy these new crayons? I wanted to make sure they would be able to use these new supplies for as long as possible. I told them to stop breaking the crayons and asked why they did that.  Thinking of the reply, still gets me to this day. “This way my friend can color too”. Due to the limited resources available to them, they often break crayons in half to share. I was sick inside, how did I form this judgment without even inquiring? It made me think, how many times did I do that in my daily life and not even know?  It was as much learning as it was unlearning. To witness these children naturally putting generosity, community and love at the forefront was life changing. In that moment, I decided to lead with curiosity, seeking to understand and always assuming love versus seeking to judge and assuming ill intent. It has been a way more glorious way to live because I am always learning about others.

I hope this story inspires you.  Are there areas of your life that you can afford to seek to understand?  Work? Family? Friends? How might you apply curiosity more frequently in your day to day? Take some time this week to explore where you can call in more curiosity and positivity in your day.